This... sucks.

Ohz noez, Imma goin all emo! D:

Ok, not really, but I'm almost depressed because of the suckage of school that was dropped on me today. (99.99% of that suckage is TOK and our projects FYI)

Now, it wouldn't be THAT bad if we weren't assigned a new project. Heck, school would be just as sucky as it normally is, which I've learned to just live with and just say "ehh..." and kind of shrug it off (not the work, the suckiness).

But give me a project that involves a partner, and instantly my warning flag pops up. Partner me with a friend, and that flag turns into merely a caution sign. Make the assignment have a presentation, and that flag is now red and waving. Make it a fully planned out presentation so that it's almost like a speech, then that flag is now flashing orange lights on a "WIDE LOAD" sign with tornado sirens rigged on top of it (which is currently what this new project is).

So yeah... not to mention I'm only filling this out because I felt that I didn't have enough blog entries. Also I did decide to just finish reading my book (though without the chapter blogging), but I honestly don't thinks there's an "underlying message" in every chapter. I WAS planning to skim back through it now that I know what goes on and can possibly pick out things... until you (the teacher) gave us the new project. Not to mention it's due THIS THURSDAY?! >___<

Now you (the teacher) is probably thinking "well, better get started!" No, it doesn't work like that. Then you'd reply with "...why not? It does for everyone else." Except I am NOT everyone else. You'd then say something like "what makes you so sure you're all that special?" I'd say, just talk to my parents, my guidance counselor, heck, talk to my psychologist I just stopped seeing a month ago! Last time I checked, most people do NOT see psychologists. That's where I got diagnosed with the asperger's that I mentioned all the way back in my first post.

Now you're probably just think I'm a lazy student or something. Well, if you talk to Mrs. Langford, you'd discover that I'm not really that bad. (heck I'm probably one of the highest scoring students in that class). Then there's the fact that I'm in CAD 2, a class that's probably way too hard for 99% of the students in the school (heck, CAD 1 was hard for a lot of students), and I'm probably one of the best in that class as well. (but I seem slower because I actually read the instruction packets that we get unlike everyone else in the class -- which certainly doesn't show laziness either!)

One thing that MAY effect this is that honestly, I've been sick of school for a while now. (a LOOOONG while) I'm pretty much ready to just move on to the next step and get into ITT Tech, but NOOOOooooo, you need to graduate that piece-'o-crap place known as high school. I'm not saying I want to drop out, but dang it, the ever so tiny motivation I have (if there actually IS any) keeps getting beat down more and more. Once that's gone, EVERYTHING goes, including those things that I care about (math, CAD, etc.) It'll probably end up like 10th grade again, where I pretty much had no motivation either. Next thing you know I'll be a bum on the street that just happened to love electronics and computers but couldn't fit into "the system of well-rounded-perfection."

Also one other thing that pisses me off is that this new project is like a "formal" and "all-civilized" debate, which I think is ridiculously lame. Whenever you structure something and try to make it "formal" or "civilized", it loses it's "art-form", or whatever you want to call it. What I'm talking about is what makes something different and possibly even "special." Put restrictions on it, and you'll only end up with a shadow of it's original state -- something I utterly despise and hate so much that I will even refuse to partake in such things at times. I know this sounds corny, but I really am not sure how else to explain it. I'm terrible at giving examples as well, which I believe is because you need to pull it out of thin air, which I am terrible at (I may have stated something about my crappy creativity earlier...)

Yes this post has indeed turned into a rant, and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up ranting again tomorrow, and the next day. In fact today, there was several minutes where I basically WAS depressed and was thinking about the suckage-of-a-project you've assigned us. I couldn't care less about things I was interested in just an hour ago.

Honestly, I think the idea of the Aurora Schools being a very high ranking school is a piece of crap. Maybe for those that accept "the system", but what about us that aren't in it, never really were in it, and refuse to be in it? We're still forced to take part in it though! WHAT THE CRAP? What happened to "the land of opportunity" and stuff like that? WHAT HAPPENED TO CHOICE? Give me one good reason why school is the way it is. "To prepare you for college" is their answer. I could just say "I'm not going to college" (which I'm not, I'm going to a 2-year tech school), but a better answer would be to ask why college is the way it is, since it's causing high school to be sucky. The answer would be "to get a good job". What's your definition of a "good job," being a business executive, a politician, a lawyer etc? Last time I checked, there are TONS of people that would HATE to have those jobs, and yet they try to fit everyone into the same curriculum which is obviously not important to specific groups of interest.

An example of an unimportant subject for me is English class past 10th grade (though much of 10, 9th, and 8th grade english fits too). It's not "English" in the traditional sense, it's really "Literature." Tell me when is someone like me going to need to know a literary aspect in any point in my life (college does NOT count because this includes them; they too are a part of the problem).

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That reminds me, the semi colon. You (Mr. Wilcox) said that you never figured out when it should be used. It's meant to somewhat connect two sentences that are usually related and you want to keep them together without making it a completely new sentence (usually because they seem too similar of an idea to create seperate sentences). An example would be what I said just last paragraph: "College does NOT count because this includes them; they too are a part of the problem."

You could make these two seperate sentences, but they seem too related and the second part (after the semi-colon) is too dependant on the first part of the sentence. If we were to use a comma instead, then it would be being used improperly. Therefore, we use a semi-colon.

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That was a nice diversion, but I'm still in "I'm screwed and there seems to be nothing I can do, which is pissing me off even more" mode. I really don't want to suicide, death is scary. (there's a difference between dread and pure fear)

Of course, none of these entries will really matter because nothings actually going to change. I'm probably gonna be dreading and complaining about the project like nuts, but without telling my partner that I'm hating every moment of it because YOU JUST HAD TO MAKE US RELY ON EACH OTHER, DIDN'T YOU? I willingly exclude myself from group work BECAUSE I know the way I am and the way I do things 99.99% of the time is not going to match well with the other people and I don't want my bad points and faults to have an effect on other people! But you're probably thinking that this should make me work harder as to not screw them over. But with me, I instead go into "I'm screwed" mode from the problems of myself effecting others and because the other choice would be to not do it (which I really don't lose sleep over how if affects my grade) which too would piss of the other person just as if I tried doing the assignment in the first place!

What can I say, I'm just not good with people in person.

(man I really don't want this project to happen... but it already has ;_; What the heck should I do...)