I'm still completely stressed out over this project. So much so that my biphasic sleep is getting screwed up because I don't have the motivation to get up because then I'll just be stressing over this project.
Last time I checked, school was not designed to make a student completely freak out over an assignment. (when I had to do a research assignment along with a partner in 9th grade, I literally had a panic attack while hiding out in the bathroom)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
This... sucks.
Ohz noez, Imma goin all emo! D:
Ok, not really, but I'm almost depressed because of the suckage of school that was dropped on me today. (99.99% of that suckage is TOK and our projects FYI)
Now, it wouldn't be THAT bad if we weren't assigned a new project. Heck, school would be just as sucky as it normally is, which I've learned to just live with and just say "ehh..." and kind of shrug it off (not the work, the suckiness).
But give me a project that involves a partner, and instantly my warning flag pops up. Partner me with a friend, and that flag turns into merely a caution sign. Make the assignment have a presentation, and that flag is now red and waving. Make it a fully planned out presentation so that it's almost like a speech, then that flag is now flashing orange lights on a "WIDE LOAD" sign with tornado sirens rigged on top of it (which is currently what this new project is).
So yeah... not to mention I'm only filling this out because I felt that I didn't have enough blog entries. Also I did decide to just finish reading my book (though without the chapter blogging), but I honestly don't thinks there's an "underlying message" in every chapter. I WAS planning to skim back through it now that I know what goes on and can possibly pick out things... until you (the teacher) gave us the new project. Not to mention it's due THIS THURSDAY?! >___<
Now you (the teacher) is probably thinking "well, better get started!" No, it doesn't work like that. Then you'd reply with "...why not? It does for everyone else." Except I am NOT everyone else. You'd then say something like "what makes you so sure you're all that special?" I'd say, just talk to my parents, my guidance counselor, heck, talk to my psychologist I just stopped seeing a month ago! Last time I checked, most people do NOT see psychologists. That's where I got diagnosed with the asperger's that I mentioned all the way back in my first post.
Now you're probably just think I'm a lazy student or something. Well, if you talk to Mrs. Langford, you'd discover that I'm not really that bad. (heck I'm probably one of the highest scoring students in that class). Then there's the fact that I'm in CAD 2, a class that's probably way too hard for 99% of the students in the school (heck, CAD 1 was hard for a lot of students), and I'm probably one of the best in that class as well. (but I seem slower because I actually read the instruction packets that we get unlike everyone else in the class -- which certainly doesn't show laziness either!)
One thing that MAY effect this is that honestly, I've been sick of school for a while now. (a LOOOONG while) I'm pretty much ready to just move on to the next step and get into ITT Tech, but NOOOOooooo, you need to graduate that piece-'o-crap place known as high school. I'm not saying I want to drop out, but dang it, the ever so tiny motivation I have (if there actually IS any) keeps getting beat down more and more. Once that's gone, EVERYTHING goes, including those things that I care about (math, CAD, etc.) It'll probably end up like 10th grade again, where I pretty much had no motivation either. Next thing you know I'll be a bum on the street that just happened to love electronics and computers but couldn't fit into "the system of well-rounded-perfection."
Also one other thing that pisses me off is that this new project is like a "formal" and "all-civilized" debate, which I think is ridiculously lame. Whenever you structure something and try to make it "formal" or "civilized", it loses it's "art-form", or whatever you want to call it. What I'm talking about is what makes something different and possibly even "special." Put restrictions on it, and you'll only end up with a shadow of it's original state -- something I utterly despise and hate so much that I will even refuse to partake in such things at times. I know this sounds corny, but I really am not sure how else to explain it. I'm terrible at giving examples as well, which I believe is because you need to pull it out of thin air, which I am terrible at (I may have stated something about my crappy creativity earlier...)
Yes this post has indeed turned into a rant, and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up ranting again tomorrow, and the next day. In fact today, there was several minutes where I basically WAS depressed and was thinking about the suckage-of-a-project you've assigned us. I couldn't care less about things I was interested in just an hour ago.
Honestly, I think the idea of the Aurora Schools being a very high ranking school is a piece of crap. Maybe for those that accept "the system", but what about us that aren't in it, never really were in it, and refuse to be in it? We're still forced to take part in it though! WHAT THE CRAP? What happened to "the land of opportunity" and stuff like that? WHAT HAPPENED TO CHOICE? Give me one good reason why school is the way it is. "To prepare you for college" is their answer. I could just say "I'm not going to college" (which I'm not, I'm going to a 2-year tech school), but a better answer would be to ask why college is the way it is, since it's causing high school to be sucky. The answer would be "to get a good job". What's your definition of a "good job," being a business executive, a politician, a lawyer etc? Last time I checked, there are TONS of people that would HATE to have those jobs, and yet they try to fit everyone into the same curriculum which is obviously not important to specific groups of interest.
An example of an unimportant subject for me is English class past 10th grade (though much of 10, 9th, and 8th grade english fits too). It's not "English" in the traditional sense, it's really "Literature." Tell me when is someone like me going to need to know a literary aspect in any point in my life (college does NOT count because this includes them; they too are a part of the problem).
---------------------
That reminds me, the semi colon. You (Mr. Wilcox) said that you never figured out when it should be used. It's meant to somewhat connect two sentences that are usually related and you want to keep them together without making it a completely new sentence (usually because they seem too similar of an idea to create seperate sentences). An example would be what I said just last paragraph: "College does NOT count because this includes them; they too are a part of the problem."
You could make these two seperate sentences, but they seem too related and the second part (after the semi-colon) is too dependant on the first part of the sentence. If we were to use a comma instead, then it would be being used improperly. Therefore, we use a semi-colon.
---------------------
That was a nice diversion, but I'm still in "I'm screwed and there seems to be nothing I can do, which is pissing me off even more" mode. I really don't want to suicide, death is scary. (there's a difference between dread and pure fear)
Of course, none of these entries will really matter because nothings actually going to change. I'm probably gonna be dreading and complaining about the project like nuts, but without telling my partner that I'm hating every moment of it because YOU JUST HAD TO MAKE US RELY ON EACH OTHER, DIDN'T YOU? I willingly exclude myself from group work BECAUSE I know the way I am and the way I do things 99.99% of the time is not going to match well with the other people and I don't want my bad points and faults to have an effect on other people! But you're probably thinking that this should make me work harder as to not screw them over. But with me, I instead go into "I'm screwed" mode from the problems of myself effecting others and because the other choice would be to not do it (which I really don't lose sleep over how if affects my grade) which too would piss of the other person just as if I tried doing the assignment in the first place!
What can I say, I'm just not good with people in person.
(man I really don't want this project to happen... but it already has ;_; What the heck should I do...)
Ok, not really, but I'm almost depressed because of the suckage of school that was dropped on me today. (99.99% of that suckage is TOK and our projects FYI)
Now, it wouldn't be THAT bad if we weren't assigned a new project. Heck, school would be just as sucky as it normally is, which I've learned to just live with and just say "ehh..." and kind of shrug it off (not the work, the suckiness).
But give me a project that involves a partner, and instantly my warning flag pops up. Partner me with a friend, and that flag turns into merely a caution sign. Make the assignment have a presentation, and that flag is now red and waving. Make it a fully planned out presentation so that it's almost like a speech, then that flag is now flashing orange lights on a "WIDE LOAD" sign with tornado sirens rigged on top of it (which is currently what this new project is).
So yeah... not to mention I'm only filling this out because I felt that I didn't have enough blog entries. Also I did decide to just finish reading my book (though without the chapter blogging), but I honestly don't thinks there's an "underlying message" in every chapter. I WAS planning to skim back through it now that I know what goes on and can possibly pick out things... until you (the teacher) gave us the new project. Not to mention it's due THIS THURSDAY?! >___<
Now you (the teacher) is probably thinking "well, better get started!" No, it doesn't work like that. Then you'd reply with "...why not? It does for everyone else." Except I am NOT everyone else. You'd then say something like "what makes you so sure you're all that special?" I'd say, just talk to my parents, my guidance counselor, heck, talk to my psychologist I just stopped seeing a month ago! Last time I checked, most people do NOT see psychologists. That's where I got diagnosed with the asperger's that I mentioned all the way back in my first post.
Now you're probably just think I'm a lazy student or something. Well, if you talk to Mrs. Langford, you'd discover that I'm not really that bad. (heck I'm probably one of the highest scoring students in that class). Then there's the fact that I'm in CAD 2, a class that's probably way too hard for 99% of the students in the school (heck, CAD 1 was hard for a lot of students), and I'm probably one of the best in that class as well. (but I seem slower because I actually read the instruction packets that we get unlike everyone else in the class -- which certainly doesn't show laziness either!)
One thing that MAY effect this is that honestly, I've been sick of school for a while now. (a LOOOONG while) I'm pretty much ready to just move on to the next step and get into ITT Tech, but NOOOOooooo, you need to graduate that piece-'o-crap place known as high school. I'm not saying I want to drop out, but dang it, the ever so tiny motivation I have (if there actually IS any) keeps getting beat down more and more. Once that's gone, EVERYTHING goes, including those things that I care about (math, CAD, etc.) It'll probably end up like 10th grade again, where I pretty much had no motivation either. Next thing you know I'll be a bum on the street that just happened to love electronics and computers but couldn't fit into "the system of well-rounded-perfection."
Also one other thing that pisses me off is that this new project is like a "formal" and "all-civilized" debate, which I think is ridiculously lame. Whenever you structure something and try to make it "formal" or "civilized", it loses it's "art-form", or whatever you want to call it. What I'm talking about is what makes something different and possibly even "special." Put restrictions on it, and you'll only end up with a shadow of it's original state -- something I utterly despise and hate so much that I will even refuse to partake in such things at times. I know this sounds corny, but I really am not sure how else to explain it. I'm terrible at giving examples as well, which I believe is because you need to pull it out of thin air, which I am terrible at (I may have stated something about my crappy creativity earlier...)
Yes this post has indeed turned into a rant, and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up ranting again tomorrow, and the next day. In fact today, there was several minutes where I basically WAS depressed and was thinking about the suckage-of-a-project you've assigned us. I couldn't care less about things I was interested in just an hour ago.
Honestly, I think the idea of the Aurora Schools being a very high ranking school is a piece of crap. Maybe for those that accept "the system", but what about us that aren't in it, never really were in it, and refuse to be in it? We're still forced to take part in it though! WHAT THE CRAP? What happened to "the land of opportunity" and stuff like that? WHAT HAPPENED TO CHOICE? Give me one good reason why school is the way it is. "To prepare you for college" is their answer. I could just say "I'm not going to college" (which I'm not, I'm going to a 2-year tech school), but a better answer would be to ask why college is the way it is, since it's causing high school to be sucky. The answer would be "to get a good job". What's your definition of a "good job," being a business executive, a politician, a lawyer etc? Last time I checked, there are TONS of people that would HATE to have those jobs, and yet they try to fit everyone into the same curriculum which is obviously not important to specific groups of interest.
An example of an unimportant subject for me is English class past 10th grade (though much of 10, 9th, and 8th grade english fits too). It's not "English" in the traditional sense, it's really "Literature." Tell me when is someone like me going to need to know a literary aspect in any point in my life (college does NOT count because this includes them; they too are a part of the problem).
---------------------
That reminds me, the semi colon. You (Mr. Wilcox) said that you never figured out when it should be used. It's meant to somewhat connect two sentences that are usually related and you want to keep them together without making it a completely new sentence (usually because they seem too similar of an idea to create seperate sentences). An example would be what I said just last paragraph: "College does NOT count because this includes them; they too are a part of the problem."
You could make these two seperate sentences, but they seem too related and the second part (after the semi-colon) is too dependant on the first part of the sentence. If we were to use a comma instead, then it would be being used improperly. Therefore, we use a semi-colon.
---------------------
That was a nice diversion, but I'm still in "I'm screwed and there seems to be nothing I can do, which is pissing me off even more" mode. I really don't want to suicide, death is scary. (there's a difference between dread and pure fear)
Of course, none of these entries will really matter because nothings actually going to change. I'm probably gonna be dreading and complaining about the project like nuts, but without telling my partner that I'm hating every moment of it because YOU JUST HAD TO MAKE US RELY ON EACH OTHER, DIDN'T YOU? I willingly exclude myself from group work BECAUSE I know the way I am and the way I do things 99.99% of the time is not going to match well with the other people and I don't want my bad points and faults to have an effect on other people! But you're probably thinking that this should make me work harder as to not screw them over. But with me, I instead go into "I'm screwed" mode from the problems of myself effecting others and because the other choice would be to not do it (which I really don't lose sleep over how if affects my grade) which too would piss of the other person just as if I tried doing the assignment in the first place!
What can I say, I'm just not good with people in person.
(man I really don't want this project to happen... but it already has ;_; What the heck should I do...)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Late post - much brawling
Haven't posted in a while, possibly due to playing a lot of "Brawl." To me it seems like the items are not as... I don't know, organized, as the previous game. (Smash Bros melee). One thing is that they introduced "badge" items which are quite small (they can be hard to see, but that was probably the point)
Also the game menus don't feel as organized as Melee was. I really liked the style Melee used, very tech-like (which was kinda a theme for the Gamecube). Since the Wii is none of that, Brawl's style somewhat reflected that, which I personally think could be good if done the right way. (like in the Apple-white style everything is in on the Wii Menu)
Also the stages, for some reason, I don't seem to like as well. With melee there were distinct levels that I liked. On here, they're just kind of "eh". Not to say the stages are bad, they're very good. It's possible that I haven't played certain stages enough to really build an opinion on them. (I've been doing other game modes mostly). Though it is nice that there are multiple Melee stages imported into this game, all of them which I am a fan of.
I guess that's why I haven't really felt like blogging, because my mind has been set on Smash Bros pretty much. Though I did hear about Intel going to be releasind a 6-core processor (though it's aimed at servers). I hope this does eventually turn into higher core counts for consumer CPUs as to fulfill their hopes of real-time ray tracing. Ray tracing is much more similar to the way light works (but not exactly, that'd be photon mapping) instead of the current method of 3D rendering (rasterization). One thing for ray tracing is that it would allow for all the little "cheats" and "shortcuts" for lighting and shadow based things in rasterization to be done standardly. This means it wouldn't break down in certain situations, it would just work. This is because ray tracing makes every screen pixel a ray of light( obviously the brightness of the rays can differ), so that everything seen is based on where the light is shining, much like in real life.
I'm gonna stop here.
Also the game menus don't feel as organized as Melee was. I really liked the style Melee used, very tech-like (which was kinda a theme for the Gamecube). Since the Wii is none of that, Brawl's style somewhat reflected that, which I personally think could be good if done the right way. (like in the Apple-white style everything is in on the Wii Menu)
Also the stages, for some reason, I don't seem to like as well. With melee there were distinct levels that I liked. On here, they're just kind of "eh". Not to say the stages are bad, they're very good. It's possible that I haven't played certain stages enough to really build an opinion on them. (I've been doing other game modes mostly). Though it is nice that there are multiple Melee stages imported into this game, all of them which I am a fan of.
I guess that's why I haven't really felt like blogging, because my mind has been set on Smash Bros pretty much. Though I did hear about Intel going to be releasind a 6-core processor (though it's aimed at servers). I hope this does eventually turn into higher core counts for consumer CPUs as to fulfill their hopes of real-time ray tracing. Ray tracing is much more similar to the way light works (but not exactly, that'd be photon mapping) instead of the current method of 3D rendering (rasterization). One thing for ray tracing is that it would allow for all the little "cheats" and "shortcuts" for lighting and shadow based things in rasterization to be done standardly. This means it wouldn't break down in certain situations, it would just work. This is because ray tracing makes every screen pixel a ray of light( obviously the brightness of the rays can differ), so that everything seen is based on where the light is shining, much like in real life.
I'm gonna stop here.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
BAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
(see what I did there with the title?)
Well, there was pretty much a blizzard yesterday, which means there's 20in of snow on a 200ft driveway between me and my copy of brawl. And for some reason, even though we have a long-ish driveway and live in the snow-belt, my parents ONLY own snow-shovels. No plow, no snow blower, nothing.
20 inches deep, 200 feet long, and 4 people with snow shovels.
(and excuse the language, but it's very appropriate for this situation)
Well, there was pretty much a blizzard yesterday, which means there's 20in of snow on a 200ft driveway between me and my copy of brawl. And for some reason, even though we have a long-ish driveway and live in the snow-belt, my parents ONLY own snow-shovels. No plow, no snow blower, nothing.
20 inches deep, 200 feet long, and 4 people with snow shovels.
(and excuse the language, but it's very appropriate for this situation)
Saturday, March 8, 2008
BRAAAWWWWLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!
Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out tomorrow. 'Nuff said.
(it will be awesome)
Though I'm worried about the online play part of it. The development team did say they tested it, but the example test they told us about was a battle between Kyoto and Tokyo, which was probably on a directly connected fiber-optic cable. They probably did do a Japan-Europe-US test, but there's no confirmation... I just worry about things not going right, ok?
And that book... yeah I haven't been reading it. >_>; It may be because I don't have one particular point in the day where I haven't anything else to do. Also maybe because I look elsewhere for a good story (video games mainly)
Speaking of video games and story, I made it to the first ending in Mario Galaxy (SPOILERS WARNING). DANG that was... moving and epic? I expected it to be decently epic, but it was also moving. You almost even felt a bit bad for Bowser in the cutscene after you defeat him. Then the star-planet-hybrid-chupathingy super-novas and starts to pull everything into it including all the star-creatures (why can't I remember what they're called...) Then it shows what I'm assuming is a representation of the universe which looke like two tornados on opposite ends with their funnel-bottom in the center; it's just going INSANE. Then it too explodes! Jebus! (that's an intentional mis-spelling) Would that be an Uber-nova?
Well, there's not much else I really feel like going over. Yeah we had snow days, yes we had an ice storm. Yes Brawl is coming out (did I say that already?), yes I'm still screwy in the head when it comes to "typical school." (no idea what the heck I'm gonna do with the latter in my mess of a situation...)
Yeah I'm gonna end this post; that last thing about school is making feel almost depressed now.
(it will be awesome)
Though I'm worried about the online play part of it. The development team did say they tested it, but the example test they told us about was a battle between Kyoto and Tokyo, which was probably on a directly connected fiber-optic cable. They probably did do a Japan-Europe-US test, but there's no confirmation... I just worry about things not going right, ok?
And that book... yeah I haven't been reading it. >_>; It may be because I don't have one particular point in the day where I haven't anything else to do. Also maybe because I look elsewhere for a good story (video games mainly)
Speaking of video games and story, I made it to the first ending in Mario Galaxy (SPOILERS WARNING). DANG that was... moving and epic? I expected it to be decently epic, but it was also moving. You almost even felt a bit bad for Bowser in the cutscene after you defeat him. Then the star-planet-hybrid-chupathingy super-novas and starts to pull everything into it including all the star-creatures (why can't I remember what they're called...) Then it shows what I'm assuming is a representation of the universe which looke like two tornados on opposite ends with their funnel-bottom in the center; it's just going INSANE. Then it too explodes! Jebus! (that's an intentional mis-spelling) Would that be an Uber-nova?
Well, there's not much else I really feel like going over. Yeah we had snow days, yes we had an ice storm. Yes Brawl is coming out (did I say that already?), yes I'm still screwy in the head when it comes to "typical school." (no idea what the heck I'm gonna do with the latter in my mess of a situation...)
Yeah I'm gonna end this post; that last thing about school is making feel almost depressed now.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A rant on book chapter blogging
*sigh* How do I put this... Well, this "journaling" or "blogging" for every chapter of our chosen book is basically de-motivating me from even reading it. It's almost as if when I know I have to do something related to the book's content, it prevents me from concentrating on the story and plot, and takes all the entertainment value out of the story.
Now a response someone (*cough*Mr. Wilcox*cough*) might give would be "You reflected on the Truman Show just fine, how is this any different?" For one thing, that gave specific topics that we could concentrate on. In this, you need to FIND them. But it's that search that is interfering with the story reading process. Wasn't a main reason for this was to get us to read more? If not, then I must be thinking of something else...
Now it's very possible that I'm only having difficulty because of my issues with "reading between the lines." As far as I know, I was never good at reading between the lines, and even today I take things very literally. This could very well be hindering my ability to locate those so-called "bigger issues" that are possibly portrayed within the story.
Also I'm not one to leave notes or to "highlight" things in books. I'm not really sure why, but I just don't really like doing that. Maybe I'm too involved in the reading? Who knows.
So until I can figure out some way to read my book without the stress of blogging on it, I'm probably going to have to put that on hold. I WANT to read the book, but not like this, it completely ruins the experience. Though, I may just say "screw it" and just read the book without blogging on it anyway.
Now a response someone (*cough*Mr. Wilcox*cough*) might give would be "You reflected on the Truman Show just fine, how is this any different?" For one thing, that gave specific topics that we could concentrate on. In this, you need to FIND them. But it's that search that is interfering with the story reading process. Wasn't a main reason for this was to get us to read more? If not, then I must be thinking of something else...
Now it's very possible that I'm only having difficulty because of my issues with "reading between the lines." As far as I know, I was never good at reading between the lines, and even today I take things very literally. This could very well be hindering my ability to locate those so-called "bigger issues" that are possibly portrayed within the story.
Also I'm not one to leave notes or to "highlight" things in books. I'm not really sure why, but I just don't really like doing that. Maybe I'm too involved in the reading? Who knows.
So until I can figure out some way to read my book without the stress of blogging on it, I'm probably going to have to put that on hold. I WANT to read the book, but not like this, it completely ruins the experience. Though, I may just say "screw it" and just read the book without blogging on it anyway.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Prologue - First entry for TOK book (Halo: Ghosts of Onyx)
Holy crap. Wow. Umm... that was uber extreme.
The 2 main characters (Tom & Lucy) blew up a reactor that went off like a nuke and destroyed EVERYONE that was involved in that giant-enemy battle. (we're talking thousands)
And the two characters are freaking TWELVE YEARS OLD?! Makes me feel like chopped liver!
Other than that, some minor things I noticed was the use of calling them SPARTAN IIIs; I'm pretty sure the previous book had SPARTAN IIs.
And Tom & Lucy themselves. Who are they and what relevance do they have on the story? They weren't in any of the earlier novels...
Also the battle, what was that about? There was no relation with it to the previous book as well. (at least as far as I know or can remember)
Lucy went mute from shock or something after the battle. Is that even physically possible? Though, the book did mention that it's possible that she's just unwilling to speak instead of not being able to. It was dubbed "posttraumatic vocal disarticulation" in the book.
The 2 main characters (Tom & Lucy) blew up a reactor that went off like a nuke and destroyed EVERYONE that was involved in that giant-enemy battle. (we're talking thousands)
And the two characters are freaking TWELVE YEARS OLD?! Makes me feel like chopped liver!
Other than that, some minor things I noticed was the use of calling them SPARTAN IIIs; I'm pretty sure the previous book had SPARTAN IIs.
And Tom & Lucy themselves. Who are they and what relevance do they have on the story? They weren't in any of the earlier novels...
Also the battle, what was that about? There was no relation with it to the previous book as well. (at least as far as I know or can remember)
Lucy went mute from shock or something after the battle. Is that even physically possible? Though, the book did mention that it's possible that she's just unwilling to speak instead of not being able to. It was dubbed "posttraumatic vocal disarticulation" in the book.
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